AGE CONCERN - it's just a number, but seriously though, is it?

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They say, 'It's just a number Saz, it'll be fine!'

this is the mantra I have been hearing from people, for the past 11 months since my 59th birthday. Of course, I know it will be 'fine', I'm not totally stupid, but fine just doesn't cut it. I want something more.

Each decade brings changes, realisations, some call it a watershed, at 30, 40 or 50. I felt it at fifty, but the changes which happened unwittingly over previous decades only registered in retrospect, the wisdom comes with and beyond the changes and time served.

So the gist of it is they say, that the number won't make any difference, as it's how I feel that matters and it is exactly this. It is how I FEEL which I realise has changed so markedly in recent months. But crucially this change is because of becoming this age, they ARE linked. So yes! the number is important.  And therein lay the power.

I do know these truths; I will be 60 in four or so weeks. I will be unhappy with the number, that's a given, but I will be happy nay grateful, that I am still here and in one wonky piece. I have lived and loved my heart out and I have experienced many wonderful and some bad times that life has offered me in the gradual run up to this moment of growth and realisation. I do also know that suddenly I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks or says, unless it resonates, informs or inspires me. I am relatively healthy, I see my big kids now and then, I have two lovely dogs (and a cat, need I say more?) which keep me active and out there. I am no longer an almost OAP as the government in their wisdom have given me/them another 6 years until that fate, which is another vehemently felt post entirely. I have projects of various types on the go, which maintain the grey matter and I have a bucket list full of dreams which I call me 'fuckit list'.

My heart and mind remain open and I think that is all that matters. So bring it on.... I ain't dead yet!

I'm with Dylan Thomas on this one;

"Do not go gentle into that good night but rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Saz