My T-Shirt - how I earned mine (well one of them!)

The one most meaningful life lesson that was to fundamentally affect and change me and my life, was when I finally realised that no one has any true power over me. Well that's obvious! you may say. Not so. Until I became of age, my parents and teachers had the control, yet I had a very strong will as a child and a teenager and I very much resented not being allowed a voice or the value of any opinions..

Most of the lessons in life, are not in fact new to us, we are told and taught them time and again, by parents and teachers alike, who try and show us the way. But it isn't until that 'switch' as I call it, is snapped on within, that the realisation actually gives us the clarity to understand. All the while I continued with my life of compliance.

This light bulb moment,  happened as they often do, during a conversation with a friend. We were talking about the process of my separation and my pal asked me when would we be divorcing. I responded that my ex had already said that we would divorce after a two year separation period stating, '... in case I change my mind and I'm sure this is what I want.'  As I spoke his words, I suddenly realised how ridiculous they were, I had allowed him to hold all the power, as indeed I had in much of our marriage. Now nearly 12 months after we separated and his non-compliance with any aspect of the procedure, it dawned that  I was allowing this to continue, unrecognised and unchecked. 

My pal spat out, 'But why not take the power back?'

I knew I would never forget this moment. I immediately knew, the only power struggle one should have is the one with yourself.  Too late for taking some power back in my marriage, but without a second thought, I filed for divorce the next day.The relief was palpable, as was the change in my demeanour, my posture, and my eyes no longer leaked as I walked through town, itchy and on my guard.

From that day to this, I have made many decisions, only trusting myself and always retaining my power. It keeps me on track, (even if that hasn't been apparent at the time) and has kept me strong and believing and trusting in self.  Because of this I know that there is always something more, if I decide it is to be so.

Saz 

'...you always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself'                                                                                                   Glinda -  The Wizard of Oz

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